For Reasons Unknown
by theartisticallyawkward
Summary: sequel to "Everybody Learns From Disaster" Nothing ever stays the same and nothing in life ever comes easy. So what happens when life for the two lovers takes a change for the worst?
1. Simple Kind of Lovely

**A/N: Hello everyone! Guess who's finally back with the promised sequel? Yes, yes, it had be FOREVER I know. I apologize for making you all wait so long. So I would like to take this time to thank all of you reading this, especially those who have stuck with me this long. I certainly hope I don't disappoint you guys! As always R&R. And no, I don't own Saiyuki.**

* * *

Goku smiled as he felt the golden rays warm his face.

"Mornin'," he whispered, knowing that the man beside him was already awake. He cracked one eye open and let it settle on the blonde priest. It had been several months since the incident that had brought the two together, and yet Goku could never get over how beautiful Sanzo looked in the morning sun. His hair seemed to glow and the light softened his features enough to make him look angelic.

"You're staring," Sanzo accused.

"You're stunning," Goku countered, smirking at the faint rose color that bloomed across Sanzo's cheeks. He leaned in closer and planted a kiss on the tip of Sanzo's nose.

"Not so fast," Sanzo said, pulling Goku back in after he started to rise from the bed. Grinning, Goku let him wrap his arms around his waist and press their lips together. This sort of routine repeated itself nearly every morning, yet Goku could never tire of it. He sighed softly, allowing Sazno's tongue to meet with his. Fingers trailed their way up to tangle together with blonde hair as the other hand began to wander downwards, pausing at the hem of Sanzo's shorts.

The strong grip on his own hips told him that he would not be denied, but couldn't help but break away and playfully ask, "Do I have your consent?"

"Don't be a tease you damn brat." Goku chuckled and let his hand complete its path and circle around Sanzo's growing erection. He was rewarded with a muffled groan and the feeling of Sanzo's fingers gently circling around his entrance. Goku tried to wait patiently for Sanzo to fish out the lubricant from the nightstand and coat his digits, but frowned deeply after a whole minute had passed.

"What are you waitin' for?" He demanded, his voice husky with lust.

"Are you sure about it this?" Sanzo mocked as he slid two fingers into him. Goku let out a growl before pinning the blonde to the bed and climbing on top of him, moaning softly as the priest slid into him. Sanzo expertly shifted his hips, months of getting to know each other's bodies told him exactly where he could make Goku go crazy. Of course, this in turn meant Goku had full knowledge of how to drive Sanzo to the brink of insanity too. Goku allowed Sanzo to flip their positions, relinquishing power, but in return, Sanzo wrapped his hand around Goku's member and stroked it in rhythm with his thrusts. It wasn't long before they both were sent over the edge, calling out other's names.

Breathing heavily, Sanzo collapsed beside Goku, taking his hand and tangling their fingers together.

"Good morning to you too." Sanzo chuckled as Goku pulled him for another kiss.

* * *

_Things sure have changed._ Goku sat perched on the porch railing, watching the acolytes go about their business. Whether it be out of fear, tolerance, or actual fondness, most of the boys had placed themselves on friendly terms with Goku. The horrid events that had taken place months before hardly ever crossed Goku's mind, but that didn't mean he wasn't relieved to know the chances of them happening again were slim to none.

"Hey, I'm heading into town. Come with me?" Sanzo appeared behind Goku and offered him a hand. Goku took it and hopped down from his seat, matching Sanzo's strides as they walked across the temple grounds. An acolyte waved at them and Goku didn't hesitate to wave back.

"They sure have grown to put up with you, haven't they?"

"I was just thinkin' that. You don't think they like me?" Goku frowned.

"Well, you certainly don't cause as much trouble as you used to."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"I do not."

Laughing, Goku laced his fingers with Sanzo's as they exited the grounds. Fall was beginning to move in, tinting the leaves with golds and reds. The summer heat still lingered though, and Goku turned his head upwards, smiling as the sun warmed his face. _It's perfect. Everything is perfect._ _Or as perfect as it can be._ Goku stole a glance at Sanzo, who also seemed to be lost in his own musings. It wasn't everyone's idea of perfect; the two still had their spats and they hadn't come together in the traditional way, but none of that mattered. Everything about their relationship had been a little strange since the day Sanzo had freed him from the cave.

Goku grinned as the town came into view. He always enjoyed visiting it and taking a break from spending the day at the temple. Plus, the town meant restaurants, which meant eating foods that weren't in the monks' diets. Sanzo, seeming to sense this, steered them in the direction of a small restaurant, well known for its seafood.

"So what did you need to come to town for?" Goku asked between bites of the complimentary bread.

"Things."

"Like what kind of 'things'?"

"Things I need to buy."

"Stop bein' difficult"

"Don't talk with your mouth full." Sanzo gave Goku a coy smile.

"Oh just tell me already!"

Sanzo leaned in closer and lowered his voice, "Well, for starters, this morning used up the last of the lube…" Goku felt his cheeks redden. "And we need winter clothes." He continued nonchalantly.

"Oh." Goku stuffed the last piece of bread into his mouth.

"Happy now?"

"Only if it means we get to use it as soon as we get back." This time it was Sanzo who blushed. Goku was sure he would have said something equally naughty back, but their waitress approached them with their food before he could.

"I wonder if it's true, what they say about oysters," Goku thought out loud as he sucked the meat from one of the shells.

"I don't think it would matter in your case." Sanzo answered. Goku smiled.

"Nope. Probably wouldn't." He brushed his foot gently up Sanzo's leg, hinting that he was serious about his earlier statement.

"Fine," Sanzo relented, rolling his eyes at the victorious grin that spread across Goku's face.

The rest of the meal was spent in a comfortable silence as they both enjoyed their meal. Goku signaled to the waitress that they were ready for the check.

"No dessert?" Sanzo asked, a genuine surprise in his voice.

"Oh, there will be dessert. It's just not on this menu." Sanzo scoffed as they rose from their booth, paid the bill, and made their way back out into the town. A figure darted past them, temporarily startling Goku, but he brushed it off as one of the local kids running around.

"Come on." Sanzo tugged at Goku's hand, leading him into a clothing store.

Goku made short work of picking out the heavy garments for himself, but slowed down Sanzo's progress as he scrutinized everything the priest picked up.

"I don't recall choosing what _you_ get to try on," Sanzo muttered as Goku wrapped a scarf around his neck.

"I didn't think you'd care, as long as they came off easily."

"Why are you so devilish today?" Goku smiled.

"I haven't been able to get the image of you this morning out of my head. You just looked so damn _beautiful_ I really haven't thought of anything else." His confession seemed to startle Sanzo, as he didn't answer right away. Instead he stood there for a moment, then finally slipped a hand around Goku's waist and pulled him in for a kiss.

"You are ridiculous sometimes," he finally said after pulling away.

"You love it." Goku replied, snaking his arms around Sanzo's neck and bringing him down for another kiss.

"I do."

* * *

It took a few hours, but Goku had finally approved of everything Sanzo bought, and after a quick stop for more lubricant, the two began their journey back to the temple.

"Did you have fun?" Goku asked, enjoying how the setting sun made the blonde's hair glitter.

"Yes. Did you?"

"Oh the fun doesn't stop here." He laughed, tossing his head backwards. He stopped suddenly, positive that he had just seen someone slip into hiding. _Are we being spied on? _Goku slowed his pace and looked around. He was sure he had seen someone, someone familiar, shadowing them. _It can't be. No…_

"…asking for it." The sound of Sanzo's voice snapped Goku back to reality, who realized he had missed half of what the priest had said.

"Uh, yeah." Goku nodded, hoping it was a satisfactory answer. Sanzo looked back at him, puzzlement displayed on his face.

"You okay?"

_I must be seeing things._

"Yeah. Of course." Goku gave a small smile, trying to push his worried thoughts out of his mind.

* * *

**So, you all probably weren't expecting a scene like that off the bat, but I figured I ought to reward all of you reading this. And yes, that is more than a just a reward; it does have a purpose to the plot. Let me know what you think! 3**


	2. Dreams Only Last For A Night

**A/N: This was a fun chapter to write and I had a long internal debate over whether or not I wanted to keep going. In the end I decided to end it where I did because I have a lot planned for the next chapter and didn't want to weigh this one down. I hope you all are enjoying this one as much as Everybody Learns From Disaster. I've read through all of your old reviews and solemnly swear I'll take care of some problems that were not resolved. As always, R&R and much love. :)**

* * *

Night was closing in quickly as Goku and Sanzo made their way back to the temple. With their hands laced together, Goku was overcome with a sense of security. He felt safe; _Sanzo_ made him feel safe. He squeezed the hand around his gently, inwardly thanking the man walking beside him.

As soon as the temple lights came into view, Goku scooped the bags of clothes out of Sanzo's arms and bolted towards the grounds, eager for dinner.

"Welcome back, Goku." An acolyte greeted. Goku smiled and nodded in his direction, still hurrying towards the room he shared with Sanzo. As soon as he made it through the door he dropped the bags and scooted behind the door, waiting. His hunger was replaced with an overwhelming sense of mischief. Familiar, white robes came into view and Goku pounced, nearly sending both of them to the floor. Sanzo recovered in time though and found himself cradling his lover, their noses touching.

"You are a brat," Sanzo sighed, tossing Goku onto the bed. The brunette only laughed pulled Sanzo down to join him.

"You can handle it." Goku countered, trapping the priest between him and the mattress.

"Your dinner will get cold." Sanzo managed to say between enthusiastic kisses.

"It can wait." Continuing his descent down Sanzo's neck, Goku could only scowl in irritation when he stomach let out a loud growl. "Maybe not."

"You're taking care of this later." Sanzo murmured before planting one last kiss on Goku's smiling lips.

* * *

Lounging lazily on the bed, Goku let his eyes wander from the book he was reading to Sanzo, who was perched on the windowsill, surveying the night sky. From the heaviness that was beginning to weigh in the air, he could tell that it would probably storm tonight. _Lovely_. The rained seemed to bother Sanzo less and less these days, but even on the best days it still soiled the mood. Goku tried to return to the novel in his hands, but realized he couldn't focus after he'd read three whole pages and not remembered a thing. With a soft sigh, he closed the book and tucked it into a shelf in the nightstand. He rose from his position and shuffled over to the window, locking his arms around Sanzo's waist.

"Come to bed," Goku whispered in his ear.

"Give me a minute." Sanzo replied, reaching for his pack of cigarettes. Goku wrinkled his nose at the smell and retreated back to the bed, where he sat patiently, waiting for the blonde to finish.

"I wish you wouldn't smoke." Answering only with a dark look and a shrug, Sanzo took one last drag and stubbed out what was left of his cigarette. He cast an annoyed glace at Goku before walking past him and into the bathroom. Goku smiled when he realized he was brushing his teeth.

"Happy now?"

"Yes, thank you" Sanzo turned off the lights and lowered himself onto the mattress, removing everything but his shorts.

_So much for that._ The sound of rain on the window told Goku it would be a just sleep night.

"What is it?" Sanzo asked after hearing Goku let out a long breath.

"It's just," Goku hesitated, noting the sharp tone in his lover's voice. "Does it still bother you? The rain?"

Even in the darkness Goku could feel Sanzo's stare. He immediately began to worry that he had crossed a line. Despite all that had happened, they had never really talked about Sanzo's bad moods triggered by the rain, or what caused them, though they both knew why.

"Sometimes." Sanzo confessed finally.

"Why?"

"What the hell brought this on? Why the sudden interrogation? I can't just be in a bad mood without it being questioned?"

"Sorry." Goku laid back and propped his head up on his hand, watching Sanzo and trying to decipher his body language. _Please don't be mad at me._

"Well?" He realized Sanzo was still expecting an answer from him.

"I guess I just don't want to see you sad like this. I want to make you happy and when it rains like this and your mood goes all sour, I feel like I'm failin' at that. You make feel so safe and it kills me knowin' that I don't do the same. I love it when you smile and you've been smilin' more and more. I don't wanna see it disappear every time it rains. Is that selfish of me?"

For a while the only thing Goku heard was the soft patter of the rain and his own heartbeat.

"Yes. It _is_ selfish." Goku felt his heart drop. He opened his mouth to apologize, but Sanzo cut him off. "But I think after everything you can afford to be a little selfish." Sanzo wrapped an arm around Goku. "Rain will probably always bother me. There are too many memories that come with it. But don't think for a second that you're letting me down in some way. You're the only thing that's kept me going all this time."

"I'll always be here. I love, Sanzo." Goku leaned up and kissed Sanzo gently, hoping it was enough for Sanzo to believe him.

"I love you, too." _That's enough for me._

* * *

Goku couldn't see where he was, couldn't see where he was going; he only knew that he was running from something and that something was catching up fast. His lungs burned and his legs felt like they were going to give out every time he stumbled on the obstacles underfoot. No matter how fast he ran, he knew he wasn't going to be able to outrun whatever was chasing him. Fear planted itself in his chest and began to invade his veins. Suddenly he knew; he knew that he had been caught. He screamed as a new kind of pain set his body aflame.

"Goku! _Goku!_" His eyes snapped open, finding himself staring back into violet ones. Goku's immediate reaction was to lash out, distancing himself as far away from the person as he could. Slowly realizing that he was no longer trapped in his nightmare, he slowed his breathing and gave Sanzo an apologetic look.

"Sorry."

"Are you okay? You scared the shit out of me."

"What happened?" Goku used the edge of the sheet to mop up the sweat beaded across his forehead and chest.

"That's what I want to know."

"I guess it was a nightmare."

"You think?" Sanzo moved up beside Goku, brushing the damp strands of hair out of his face. "What was it about?"

"I don't remember." Goku responded, desperately trying to recall what it was that he dreamt. _What the hell _was_ that? All I can remember is being terrified._ He sighed and leaned into Sanzo, frowning at how cold he felt. Goku instinctively flinched when the blonde kissed him. They both froze in place, processing what just happened. Shaking his head, Goku smiled and pressed his lips to Sanzo's, resisting the urge to pull away that overcame him. He'd be damned if a dream ruined his morning.

"C'mon. Let's go eat breakfast."

"'Kay." Sanzo slid off the bed and offered Goku a hand. He watched as the priest slipped into his robes and reveled in the way they only made him more beautiful.

"You're staring again."

"You know why."


	3. Matters of Blood and Connection

**A/N:** **hello all! gosh it's been a while, eh? my sincerest apologies for that! I've been busy with work and on top of that, my spacebar popped off. Sounds like an awful excuse, but it's so hard to type now, so whenever I sit down to write, I'm insanely slowed down and then I get aggravated...but not to fear, chapter 5 is already halfway done, so be on the look for that soon! as always enjoy (R&R)!**

* * *

Breakfast was quieter than usual, as Goku reflected back on the previous night, trying his hardest not to remember the dream, but also intensely curious as to what he was running from. He could still hear his own heartbeat faintly in his ears, and noticed the quick, worried glances Sanzo kept sending his way.

Goku suddenly sensed something behind him, _very closely _behind him, and letting instinct take over, jumped up and grabbed his attacker by the throat, only to come face to face with a familiar redhead.

"Well shit, when did my invitation get revoked?" Came a chocked mutter.

"S-sorry. You just startled me. You shouldn't sneak up on people like that!" Goku retorted, dropping his hand.

"I'll definitely keep that in mind from now on." Gojyo rubbed his neck, frowning.

Goku watched as Hakkai shot a questioning look at Sanzo, who simply sipped his tea response.

"Well then." Hakkai began. "We decided to pay a visit and see if you two wished to join us. There's a street fair in town that promises to be fun."

"Oh, um, I don't know…"Goku answered, remembering what had happened the day before.

"Sure." Everyone turned to Sanzo, surprised that he was the one to agree.

"Sounds great." Goku forced himself to say, before finishing the food on his plate and making his way outside. He leaned over the porchrailing, aware that Gojyo was following him.

"Please don't attack me this time."

"What do you want?"Goku asked, a little harsher than he meant to.

"Just to see what was eating at you." The redhead stood beside Goku, surveying the grounds.

"Nothin' is 'eatin' at me.' I just didn't get much sleep last night."

"Lack of sleep makes you so jumpy that you almost fucking choke me? I call bullshit."

"Look, Gojyo, as much as I adore these talks with you, I really wish you'd learn when to mind your own business. I'm fine. I'm sorry I attacked you, but you caught me off guard. It's as simple as that." Goku thought he heard something like "I'm sure it is" in response, but chose to ignore it and waited for Sanzo and Hakkai to join them so they could hurry up and go to the festival.

As they made their way into town, Goku knew he should at least try to relax, to try and alleviate the worry that was clear in Sanzo's eyes, but every time he tried to, a faint feeling of anxiety bloomed in his stomach and he found himself looking around him, looking for _something_. It only became worse as they came closer and closer to the crowded street, as more and more people began to surround them. Without being consciously aware of it, Goku found himself clutching Sanzo's hand in an almost childish way. Sanzo said nothing about it, but his expression promised Goku that he'd be asked about it later.

"Hey monkey, look, they've got your favorite." Goku followed Gojyo's pointed finger to a small stand emitting the unmistakable smell of meatbuns. Putting on his best smile, he grabbed a hold of Sanzo's sleeve and tugged him towards the booth. _I can't make him worry about me anymore. _

"It's good to see that your appetite hasn't been hampered." Sanzo remarked, handing the man running the stand a handful of coins in exchange for three buns and a bottle of water. Unsure of how to respond, Goku simply stuffed one of the buns in his mouth and flashed his lover a thumbs up sign.

_I'm so stupid. What am I getting all worried over, anyway? _Goku returned to Sanzo's side with a newfound determination to enjoy himself. Hooking one arm around the blonde's waist, the other snaked up Sanzo's side and intercepted the water.

"That was _mine_."

"Come and get it then." Goku dared, before taking a quick sip, winking and slinking into the crowd. He laughed silently as he made his way among the mass of people, making it tricky, but not difficult, for Sanzo to track him. Goku slowed his steps, allowing himself to take in his surroundings for the first time. When he had first come to the temple, he had heard a festival mentioned by the monks in passing, but had never been able to convince Sanzo to take him. _I'm finally here and what am I doing? I need to enjoy myself! _Goku scanned the crowd, searching for his lover, but came up short. Worry began to bloom in his mind, but it was quickly forgotten when he felt hands pull him backwards into a familiar hold.

"Sanzo! There you are!" Goku tilted his head back and came face to face with the priest.

"I've been looking for you too. You stole my water." Sanzo held out his hand, expecting Goku to place the stolen bottle in it.

"Maybe I drank it all!"

"You did not."

"No, I didn't." Goku pulled away and transferred the water from his hand to Sanzo's, then placed a small kiss on his lover's cheek.

"You are such a brat." Sanzo took a long drink, finishing off the water. Goku wrapped his hand around Sanzo's, lacing their fingers together.

"Come on. Let's go look around some more!" Sanzo looked like he was going to say something, but closed his mouth and let Goku drag him from booth to booth.

"Goku." Sanzo said suddenly, as the two were looking over the wares a local tradesman had for sale. "I have to go to the bathroom. Go on ahead. I'll catch up."

"Oh. Okay then." Goku watched as Sanzo made his way towards a shop with a bathroom in it.

"A-_hem_," the tradesman cleared his throat, attracting Goku's attention. "If you're not going to purchase anything, please leave. You're crowding my stand."

"Oh. Sorry." Goku gave an apologetic smile and exited the booth.

"Hey! Hey mister!" A small child, not older than five ran towards Goku.

"What's up, little guy?"

"Do you want your fortune told?"

Goku laughed. "I think I'm okay not knowin'."

"Nonsense! Come on. We can tell you your future!"

Goku was about to say no again, but the child was already hard at work tugging on his shirt, and he had time to kill anyway. _Ah, what the hell._ He allowed himself to be led by the enthusiastic child, towards a booth that was shaded by a tree and seemingly unmanned.

"Hey kid, are you sure-"

"Hello there." A figure appeared out of the back of the booth. "Thank you child." Whoever it was tossed a small purse towards to child, who took it and ran.

Goku, sensing that something was off, began to back away. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be needin' my fortune told…"

"Nonsense, Son Goku. Please stay." Goku froze. _How did he know my name?_ He looked up at the so-called fortune teller. The voice suggested they were a man, but the ridiculous garb and mask they wore gave little else away. Goku still couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

"Really, it's okay."

"Come now, this one'll be on the house. Won't you sit?" The figure gestured towards a table with chairs on opposite sides. Goku wanted to say no, to just run from the booth, but he also wanted to know why this stranger was so interested in him. In the end, curiosity won out.

"Okay then," Goku began, taking a seat. "How does this work? Do you need my palm or somethin'?"

The person across from him laughed. "No, Son Goku, I do not. I can tell you everything just from yourself alone. For example, I can tell you that you are far older than you look. In fact, you hide many secrets, don't you?"

"I guess?" A cold sweat began to form on the back of Goku's neck.

"Yes. And you have a lover, don't you? Someone who is fairly important, no?"

Goku nodded. It sounded like the fortune teller was reciting facts, not saying them as he learned them. _Something definitely isn't right…_

"Is there someone in your past that you're afraid of? I bet there is. And for good reason too. I bet they're looking for you. I would bet that they're just waiting to finish you."

"What?" _Someone I'm afraid of?_ Goku thought back to all the enemies he had faced. Most were already dead, and the others, like Kougaiji, had made their peace and were highly unlikely to betray it. Goku looked up at the stranger telling him this, trying to figure out the identity behind the mask. It was when his eyes met the ones through the holes that his blood went cold. The smirk that the mask failed to hide gave the identity completely away. Now Goku knew why he'd been so jumpy the past few days. Now he knew what'd been chasing him in his nightmare. Or rather, _whom._

"It can't possibly be you…" his voice was barely audible. The person across the table from him removed the mask.

"Long time no see, eh?"

"…Jiao-long."


	4. Don't Confess

**A/N: I hate that it's taken me so long to update but I've been going through some personal issues and writing just hasn't been very high on the list of things to do. But not to fear! I promise I'm back on track! Chapter 5 is already written and will be posted as soon as I give it another good read-through because it's a pretty important chapter. I apologize in advance if this isn't the most exciting chapter I've ever written, but it was one that needed to be done. As always, R&R and 3**

* * *

Goku wasn't really sure where he was going, all that he knew was that his body was telling him to run, so he did. _Was that really…really him?_ He leaned against the side of the closest booth, thankful he wasn't drawing any attention. Panting from the run, Goku tried to collect his thoughts into something that was mildly coherent. _That fortune teller was…_The face of Jiao-long flashed in Goku's mind, and it took all of his strength to not have his legs give out on him and to refrain from screaming.

"_I bet they're looking for you. I would bet that they're just waiting to finish you."_

Goku shoved his fist in his mouth, his last ditch attempt to stop himself from crying. He had to admit to himself that he was scared, no, _terrified_; his body was shaking and he couldn't tell if his heart had stopped or if it was just beating too fast for him to feel it anymore.

"Goku!" The sound of a familiar voice calling his name made Goku freeze. _Shit. They can't know._ He forced his body to move, turning towards the source of the voice.

"Hakkai! Hey!"

"There you are!"

"Yup! Where's Gojyo?"

"Getting a beer. And Sanzo?"

"Sanzo? He was in the bathroom. I think I lost him though…" Goku did his best to plaster on a smile and make his laugh sound genuine.

"Don't be so quick to get rid of me." Goku jumped at the sudden presence beside him, but managed to stop himself from instinctively attacking.

"Hello there, Sanzo. Have you been enjoying yourself?"

"It's been," Goku pretended that he didn't notice Sanzo glancing down at him. "An interesting day."

"So it has!" Gojyo chimed in, coming up behind Hakkai.

"Well then, let's all have dinner and head back to the temple.

"Good. I'm starved!" Goku exclaimed, as if it were scripted. _I know this. I can play along. I can't have them knowing._ Setting his jaw, he took the lead as the foursome made their way to the restaurant section of town.

"You're the food expert. Where are we eating?" Gojyo asked, elbowing Goku in the ribs.

"Huh? Oh, I don't care," Goku mumbled.

"You…don't…care?" Goku looked up to see his three companions, confusion showing in their faces. _Shit._

"Yeah…because I'm just so hungry! I could eat just about anything!" Goku prayed they bought the laugh he forced. Something told him they didn't if the way Sanzo's fingers snaking around his own was any indication. Goku cursed at himself inwardly. _This is going to be harder than I thought. _Truly, all he wanted to do was go back to the temple and sleep for as long as he possibly could, safe in his lover's arms. Instinctively, he squeezed Sanzo's hand tighter.

Not wanting to draw any more unwanted attention to himself, Goku quickly pointed to a random restaurant and insisted they eat there.

"Ramen?" Gojyo asked.

"Yeah, somethin' wrong with that?" Goku countered, terrified that somehow the red head had seen through his fake visage. Gojyo merely shrugged in response and held the door open for his three friends.

The restaurant itself was nothing special, but as soon as Goku stepped foot inside, he was assaulted with a flood of memories from many years ago, when he was still a child and hadn't experienced, and remembered, any of the injustices life throws in the way. He and Sanzo had eaten here plenty of times before, when the temple became too stuffy for the priest and he was in just a good enough mood to relent to his young charge's desire for something other than temple food.

"My, it's been a while since I've had ramen," Hakkai stated has he slid into booth, leaving enough from for Gojyo to fit beside him. Goku took the spot directly across from Hakkai, happy to finally be able to sit down and let his body relax a little. It wasn't until their waitress appeared and had taken everyone else's orders that Goku realized he had no appetite and his stomach seemed to flip over as he placed his order.

Instinctively, he took a sip of water, and then another, so that the other's wouldn't question why he wasn't speaking. He tried his best to block out the image of Jiao-long's smug face as he unmasked himself, but each time he blinked, the haunting, cruel smile returned. _What does he want?_ Goku shivered as he asked himself that question, knowing that the answer was something malicious, twisted and sickening. Noticing that he has already down half his glass of water, Goku relented his mouth's hold on the straw and sat back, pretending to read the dessert menu.

"Hey monkey, why don't you wait until _after _you eat to decide on dessert?"

"There's nothin' wrong with plannin' ahead, Gojyo." Though the exchange had been innocent enough, Goku could feel the atmosphere surrounding them turn heavy.

"Is something wrong, Goku?" Hakkai inquired, his brows knitted together.

Looking him straight in the eye, Goku shook his head and smiled.

Their food came before anyone else could chime in and Goku stared at his dish, stomach churning and mouth dry. He looked around at the others; Hakkai was gingerly applying soy sauce and taste-testing in between drops while Gojyo had already begun shoveling the noodles in his mouth. Sanzo had yet to start eating, as he was busy studying Goku out of the corner of his eye. Looking away, Goku slowly swirled his ramen, his hand shaking as he brought his chopsticks to his lips. He tried to enjoy it, tried to find comfort in the warmth and tried to relish the taste, but all he managed to do was convince his body to accept it, and his stomach to hold it down.

"It's really good ramen, isn't it?" He asked the others, remembering that he had a role to play.

"Yeah, I'll say. Good choice." Gojyo gave Goku a thumbs up sign before continuing to eat at a rapid pace. Goku took a deep breath and increased his speed until he was even with Gojyo; it would be suspicious if he didn't finish his meal first.

"You don't have to gorge yourself, you know." Sanzo suddenly remarked as he watched Goku eat. Slightly startled, Goku dropped his chopsticks, giving Sanzo a confused look.

"I'm not," he replied, fishing his chopsticks out of his near empty bowl.

The group fell into a silence, one that greatly unnerved Goku. It was easy to tell that his behavior wasn't passing for "normal" with the other three, especially Sanzo. _What did I expect? Of course they're going to notice. But…_Jiao-long's face flickered in Goku's mind and he clenched his jaw. Against every fiber of his will, the memories of his torture were slowly creeping back into his head and he hated it. They only served to remind him of how utterly weak and helpless he'd been, how naïve and foolish he was. With one final gulp, he finished his ramen as a newfound determination surged through his body. He couldn't let the other's find out. Then they'd remember how pathetic he was. If Sanzo knew, he would remember how he had to save Goku's life.

"Well, that was most satisfying, don't you think?" Hakkai asked, sitting back with a content sigh.

"Yup! Let's head back to the temple before it gets too dark." Goku grinned, wanting nothing more than to convince everyone, including himself that things were going to be okay. Somewhere in the back of his mind, however, something told him that they wouldn't be.


	5. Justice In Murder

**A/N: Okay, so after getting a review that basically said she was disappointed Goku was being a whiny bitch, I decided to redo this chapter. In my opinion. Goku wasn't ever "weak," he was just scared. But I did realize that the old chapter was not going to lead the story where I wanted it to go. Hopefully you guys like this chapter better. I know I do! Please please please R&R! Love you all :)**

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When all four of them had finally reached the temple grounds, Hakkai and Gojyo politely excused themselves, exchanging goodnights and smiles.

"Gee, wonder what they'll be doin'." Goku noted, the sarcasm heavy in his tone.

"Whatever." Goku felt Sanzo release his hold on his hand and suddenly felt very cold. "I'm going to go take a bath."

Goku sighed heavily as he watched Sanzo slip from view and made his way to their room. He wanted to scream into the pillow and rip the sheets to shreds but he knew better than that. Sanzo would surely notice and then there would be no way for Goku to hide Jiao-long's return. Goku shuddered involuntarily as he remembered the way the boy had looked at him, as if he had somehow won. It was the same face the boy had every time he stood over Goku's weakened, naked body and identical to the one he'd wore on that last night, the night Jiao-long had removed his diadem and Goku was sure all was lost.

He did not know that he'd been clenching his fists until he felt the warm trickle of blood drip down his wrists, leaking out from the crescent-shaped cuts his fingernails had left.

"Fuck," he cursed aloud, no longer caring who heard. The longer he reflected back on Jiao-long, the higher intense rage boiled inside of him. The boy had damn near ruined everything for Goku, and now he dared to show his face again, trying to exact some sort of revenge? It wasn't right, and Goku suddenly realized that it ought to be the other way around. _He_ should be the one hunting down Jiao-long with vengeance on his mind. He should not be stuck feeling so goddamn _helpless_ as the boy was free to roam the land, unpunished. Jiao-long should be made to cry, to hurt, to bleed the way Goku had.

Moving now, almost by instinct, Goku made his way outside to the courtyard and climbed up into the peach tree. It was habitual; he always sought out its branches when he needed to think when he was younger, and the only differences now were his age and just what he was thinking about. Daily activities and dinner meals were now replaced with thoughts of how to track down his rapist and what he'd do when he found him.

Goku was brought out of his near meditation when he heard the snapping of a branch. At first he panicked, thinking that Sanzo had followed him outside, but looking down, he realized that he was the source of the noise, as he'd been so caught up in his plans that he'd actually snapped a limb of the tree in half. Leaning back against the trunk, and patting the bark in an attempt to apologize for his actions to the tree, Goku tried to regroup his thoughts with a little more clarity. Remembering some of the things that had crossed his mind, he grew slightly concerned over how violent they had been, and it dawned on him that perhaps there was a reason the hate he'd felt had been so strong and his revenge schemes involved so much bloodshed. Seiten Taisen was probably just as angry with Jiao-long as Goku was, angrier, in fact. The boy had tried to make a fool of the sage, thinking he could actually control him, and Sanzo had banished Jiao-long before he'd gotten his revenge. It made sense that their thoughts were merging.

Biting his lip, Goku began to worry about how big of a role Seiten Taisen was going to play in this. There was nothing guaranteeing Goku that the sage would not break free, should he try to hunt down Jiao-long, and if he did force his way out, there was nothing stopping him from ripping the boy to shreds. _But…would I be opposed to that?_ It was true that Goku wanted nothing more that to make sure Jiao-long got his just deserts, but could he really go as far as to condone and even allow the actions of the sage?

_Yes._ Goku wasn't a child anymore. He had seen enough to know that some people did not deserve any sort of compassion. What Jiao-long had done to him was unconditionally unforgivable and there was no way Goku was going to be able to rest until he was punished as harshly as he could be. And there was no one better to follow through with that sentence more than Seiten Taisen. Goku's mind was made up. Jiao-long would suffer.

Content that his mind was eased a little bit, Goku jumped off of his branch and made his way back inside, searching for Sanzo. He found him sitting on their bed, reading over a news paper, clad only in his pajama pants and reading glasses.

Another pang of ire ran through Goku as he realized he'd been pushing away his lover for no other reason than he was scared. He still had no plans of telling Sanzo, as the priest would only talk Goku out of exacting revenge and probably seek out the boy to shoot him himself. But that didn't mean Goku was going to let the wall that had slowly been growing between them get any higher.

"Hey, Sanzo," greeted Goku, his voice almost a purr. The blonde looked up from the paper at him, his neutral expression never changing. When he didn't get a verbal response, Goku crossed the room to their bed and settled on it, gently removing the newspaper from Sanzo's hands.

"What?" Sanzo growled, though his tone had no anger in it.

"I wanna apologize for actin' so weird lately. I had you worried didn't I?" Goku swung his leg over Sanzo's lap, effectively straddling him.

"Ch'. Would you like to tell me what that was about? I can hear it when something's bothering you."

"I know. I was just over-thinking some things."

"Like?"

Goku rose slightly on his knees so he could rest his forehead against Sanzo's.

"Nothin' that needs to be worried about anymore." Before Sanzo could retort, Goku pressed their lips together, one hand on the back of Sanzo's head, and the other making slow circles on his upper thigh. When he heard Sanzo sigh softly, Goku knew that all questions were going to be put on hold until morning, and if Goku was lucky, forgotten.

Tonight, Goku was going to be damn sure luck was on his side.


	6. It's Not Your Fault

**Heh, so how long exactly has it been? Too long, yes. Much too long. I can't even begin to justify how long it's been without sounding like a jerk. But finally, here is chapter 6. It's probably not the most exciting chapter ever, but it really sets up the rest of the story. Please, if you still care about/remember this story, I'd love feedback. Enjoy and R&R and also much love!**

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As desperately as he needed it, sleep would not come for Goku. Instead, he lay wide-awake, the warmth from his lover keeping him calm as he absent-mindedly ran his fingers through his blonde hair. Sanzo had fallen into a deep slumber not long after the two had made love, something that Goku knew was long overdue. Goku sighed softly, reveling in how comfortable he was, but thoughts of vengeance still hung in the forefront of his thoughts.

Jiao-long would die by his hand, that much Goku was sure of. He just wasn't quite sure how he was going to go about it. He could either wait for the boy to make another move, or he could reverse things and hunt him down instead. As appealing as going on the offensive was, the fact remained that Goku really had no idea where Jiao-long was. _Even still…_Goku looked at the sleeping form beside him. Sanzo couldn't know, and if Goku waited for Jiao-long to make a move, he risked his lover finding out. _I guess I really don't have a choice_. He wrapped his arms around Sanzo's waist and buried his head in the crook of his neck. He would start his search tomorrow.

"Did you sleep well?" It took Goku a few seconds to realize that the question had been directed at him from the man sitting across the table. Sanzo had a look that was half worry, half annoyance across him face. He'd been looking at Goku like that since the brunette had stumbled down to breakfast much later than usual.

"You usually don't sleep in this late." Goku shrugged, hoping to end the conversation quickly.

"Maybe I was havin' a good dream."

"Were you?" Looking up, Goku knew this wasn't something he'd be able to shove to the side and decided to take the defense.

"I don't remember." The blonde narrowed his eyes, not at all amused by his lover's antics.

"Could you try?"

"No."

"Goku…" Sanzo switched tactics, lowering his voice and softening his gaze a little.

"Mind your own fuckin' business," Goku hissed before standing to leave, half his meal still on his plate.

His strides were long and fast as he made his way outside. At first, he was headed towards the peach tree, but changed course at the last minute; that would be the first place Sanzo looked for him. Instead, he headed for the small thicket that grew to the far north of the temple. It had been a very long time since Goku had visited it and quickly scrambled up the closest tree. He was already lost in his thoughts; he certainly did not need to get lost in the woods too.

Drawing his knees up to his chest, he reflected back on the verbal skirmish he'd had with Sanzo. It was the first time in a long time that he could remember snapping at his lover like that. It sent a stabbing sensation through his upper body, knowing that he'd been such an ass. But it was impossible to deal with how _caring _Sanzo was being, because if he was caring, then he wanted to know what was wrong, and if Goku told him what was wrong, well, Goku could only guess the consequences. And none of them were good. _Sanzo could end up angry, ashamed, disgusted, annoyed.._. The list inside Goku's head continued for as long as he could think.

And the worst part was that he was placing Jiao-long about Sanzo; he was more concerned with revenge than he was about how it was affected the most important person in his life. And it didn't look like that would change anytime soon.

A twig snapped and Goku was brought out of his dark musings. Before he looked down, he knew it could only be one of two people.

It was Jiao-long.

"Hello up there, Son Goku!" the boy greeted in an almost polite manner, as if they were old acquaintances.

"You," Goku snarled as he felt his fingers sink into the soft bark of the tree.

"Did you miss me? Did you miss all the fun we had together? Why don't you come down from there and we can…catch up?"

"I have absolutely nothin' to say to you. Go the fuck back to wherever you came from or I swear I'll—"

"You'll what? Kill me?" Jiao-long threw his head back and laughed. Goku cringed, remembering how often he'd hear that same cackle; it was always after he'd been attacked.

"I will. I'm not afraid of you. Not anymore." Taking a step closer to the tree, Jiao-long stared up at the brunette, seeming to examine Goku and his threat. _He looks different,_ Goku said to himself, noticing that somehow, Jiao-long now looked less like a child and more like something else. It took a moment for Goku to place it, but eventually he knew what the boy was beginning to look exactly like: the demons Goku had once fought.

"Ah well. I'd love to stay and talk, but if you won't be nice, I'll go attend to other business." Jiao-long turned on his heel and quickly made his way deep into the woods.

Goku wanted to follow him, wanted to rip the smirking head off the corrupted body, but the all too familiar presence of his lover stopped his muscles from moving. _That's why he fled._ Obviously, the boy had not forgotten about the wound that had been inflicted upon him by the priest.

"There you are," Sanzo breathed heavily, showing evidence that he'd been looking for the brunette for some time.

"Here I am," Goku repeated, not sure what else to say. Seeing the blonde so exasperated and know it was his fault sent another round of sharp pangs through his chest. There was nothing more he wanted to do in that moment than fling himself out of the tree and into Sanzo's arms. But doing that would break down the "everything is fine" façade he'd spent so long conjuring.

"Come down from there?" Even as he asked the question, Goku could see that he was judging the distance between the ground and where he was sitting in the tree; he would come after him if necessary.

"Fine." Easily sliding down from branch to branch, Goku soon found himself within arm's reach of his lover. He could smell sweat. Sanzo really had been searching for him.

"Please. What exactly is going on? Something isn't right Goku, please tell me." Sanzo reached out, letting his fingers brush down Goku's arm.

Shivering at the touch, Goku let his head drop. "I can't. I can't tell you." He had said it; he had admitted guilt, even if it was only a small part. Without looking up, he could hear Sanzo sigh loudly and move away, his footsteps almost a stomp.

"Dammit Goku. How is this happening? What did I do wrong?" Goku raised his head, trying to focus on Sanzo through his tear-blurred eyes.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"Goku, I don't understand. When I don't pay attention, something awful happens. Now, something awful has happened and I'm trying to listen but you won't talk to me! I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't, aren't I?"

The pain in Goku's heart was like nothing he'd felt before; Sanzo was right. For so long, all Goku wanted was for Sanzo to show that he cared, and now that he did, he was pushed away for it. _Please don't let this be happening._

He was seconds away from pulling Sanzo into his arms when the smell of fire stung his nose.

"The temple!"


End file.
